Hello and welcome! Thank you all for being here yet again, let’s get cracking…
YOUR JOB’S A JOKE, YOU’RE BROKE, YOUR LOVE LIFE’S DOA
It’s happened again. I have reached the end of Friends. The Last One. And yes, obviously I cried because SHE GOT OFF THE PLANE.(Ross is trash but I will suspend my hate for that scene). Rewatching Friends this time around has been a real eye-opener for me. For years I had assumed that all these people had their lives together and that I would never be as successful as them, but then I took a closer look and realised they are all actually doing NOT GREAT a lot of the time.
Don’t believe me?
Joey seems insistent on hitting on anyone he meets despite the fact that he seems to have some sort of persistent STI (THINGS THAT BURN). Ross is obviously a disaster, his personal life is a car crash, he is a lousy father and at one point has a full-on breakdown which is treated a joke (i get it, because comedy) but would actually really suck in the real life. Chandler is stuck in a job he hates and clearly has huge unresolved issues with commitment and a horribly scarring childhood. Rachel sleeps with Ross. Disgusting. Monica gets fired and is forced to wear fake boobs and rollerblades at a shitty diner. Phoebe has had the world’s worst childhood and her friends couldn’t care less, even yelling at her for having to resort to mugging in order to buy food as a FOURTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL
This isn’t to say that these people are doing badly, they are just doing fine. But, on reflection, they are mostly living in shared apartments - sometimes with a baby in tow, sometimes with a guy who obsessively dehydrates fruit. They date awful people including a woman doesn’t understand how TV works and a guy who is almost definitely shagging his own sister. Their careers are all over the place, they all have bad relationships with their parents (except Ross, making him even worse), and they all screw each other over at some point.
Turns out the Friends were fucking up just as much as the rest of use, they just did it whilst looking hotter and wearing better clothes.
I JUST LEARNED…
...that Mathew Perry actually dated Yasmine Bleeth (Baywatch) who Chandler Bing openly fantasised about on the show - even naming the chick “Little Yasmine” when he first got it.
I have been destroying my hearing by treating my eardrums to Ezra Furman’s 2012 album “The Year of No Returning” which is 40 minutes of tuneful, soulful growling. And I am into it in a big way.
TEN MINUTE TASTER:
1. Jekyll and Hyde is an absolute gem, which also features the sexiest utterance of the phrase “maintenance closet” I have ever heard.
2. American Soil for its excellent lyrics and sporadic howling
3. That’s When It Hit Me sounds like the finale of a gritty indie musical and I am here for it all. day. long.
“I sit surrounded by my money and my glory
Numbly re-telling my little pointless life story”
- Bad Man
The snarling, lyrical genius of “American Soil” is far and away the best track on the whole album and if you haven’t yet screamed “the child’s gone wild” into your shower head then you are missing out.
Thanks for reading, you absolute gems. If you fancy some more then there is a vintage piece below, otherwise I’ll see you back here next time x
FROM THE ARCHIVE
I am not a “chilled-out” person. I come from a long line of “not chilled-out” people; our family tree has grown (almost exclusively) nail-biters, insomniacs, depressives, alcoholics, worriers, fretters and panic-attack-havers, leaving me with a strong, genetic need to chill the fuck out… [keep reading]